Thursday, November 5, 2009


I posted a comment on Facebook this morning, about how frustrated I was, that the lady at the health clinic told me that I wasn't eligible for an appointment for the H1N1 vaccine, because I wasn't in the 2-25 high risk age group. Well HELLO!! I'm also pregnant!! She obviously ignored that, and put me on a wait list. 
I was pissed, and I knew she was wrong, so I called back and talked to someone else. They agreed with me and I got an appointment.

Well......obviously posting about something so controversial as a vaccination caused too much of a negative reaction and pissed me off further.
So I deleted the comment.

I'm not one of those people who freaks out and feels the need to protect myself against every little thing. Am I scared of the 'Swine Flu', no_not really. But my doctor suggested that I get it because I'm pregnant. 

I didn't get the flu shot for years, until I started working at the hospital, and they required it. Then once I quit, I stopped getting it. 

I'm going to get them this year, simply because I am pregnant and I feel the need to protect myself as much as possible. I don't think that I'm freaking out or going crazy because of it. 

I know there is a lot of controversy over vaccines and children, and that's something that I need to look into in the next few months. My cousin chose not to vaccinate her daughter for a majority of things and she's sick all the time. She tried so hard to 'protect' her against all this stuff and I honestly think it did her more harm than good.

I just needed to vent a little bit. I'm sick of people telling me that I'm 'FREAKING OUT' and 'CRAZY' because I'm pregnant. I want to punch those people in their faces.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

All alone...just the two of us

Maybe it's because I have a lot of free time on my hands...or maybe it's just the overload of hormones...BUT I really miss the father of my baby.

I will be the first one to tell you how much of a loser he is. What a horrible person he has been to me, and how much he used me over the course of our 'relationship'.


I will also be the first to say how much I miss him. I can't explain the hold he had/has over me. He has this charisma about him. He's a smooth talker and he totally pulls it off. Time after time, I have looked at his face and just found myself lost in him. 
(So cheesy, I can't hear myself think without crackers)

I remember this one time, up at the bar...we were standing outside talking to some people and I was just staring at him, smiling, listening to him talk and waiting for him to simply look at me. His neighbor stopped us and said, "I would give anything to have someone look at me, the way you look at him". It was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me because I realized that my feelings for him were showing through my smile. Feelings that were so genuine, it hurt.

Part of me is so scared to have his baby. What am I going to do with this permanent reminder of him? I know that I will love this baby unconditionally. There is no doubt in my mind about that. I get all choked up just thinking about it. 

I don't regret meeting him, or falling for him, or continuing to see him even though I knew better.

I do regret that he is no longer in my life. I know it was impossible to think that we could be 'just friends', but I so looked forward to hearing from him everyday. It's been a little over 2 months since I've spoken to him and everyday, it's a constant struggle to keep from sending him a text. I'm just not ready, I'm not ready to hear what he has to say. Plus, I keep hoping that he'll reach out to me first. I know it will never happen, because he's content just pretending that I never existed. I wish I could feel the same way about him.

Friday, October 23, 2009

When it rains, it pours!

For a while now, I have felt very secure in my financial area of life. I mean, I have bills, I pay them, it all works out. This has not always been the case...I suck at managing my finances! Big time! I've gotten in so much trouble over the past few years, living paycheck to paycheck, etc.

Today was a huge wake up call! A bill I had forgotten about went to collections and they ended up suing me. FML!! I had no idea what to do! I just paid off all my court costs for my DUI, and I am not ready to pay my lawyer another $1,000+ 

So, I called them, actually they were really nice and we worked it all out. I just have to pay a little bit more and they'll drop the lawsuit. WHEW!!

Relief...until I looked at the rest of my bills...and then at my bank account...Not working out to well. I have enough to pay that bill, but that will leave me with nothing until the end of the month. Even then, my next paycheck is only going to be like $40, because they only scheduled me 2 shifts this pay period.

I'm in the process of looking for another job. I need to find something that I can switch to full time come December when I'm finished with school.

I DO NOT need to be stressed out at this point in my life. Pregnancy is hard enough without adding extra stress.

So frustrating...I hate being an adult. 

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Week 10

Here is a photo that I took from my phone last night, because for a moment, I thought I was actually beginning to 'show'! But now that I look at it closer, I feel like that's what I've looked like for the past few months. Round.
The other day, I must have seriously been bloated or something, because I definitely had a
'pooch'. It was crazy...but it's gone now.

*sorry for the dirty mirror shot too*

I've been trying NOT to buy stuff quite yet, mainly because I don't want to by boy stuff and have a girl, or vice versa. Although, I have collected quite the stash of baby clothes over the past few years, also inheriting stuff from my sister.

I did however breakdown and buy some stuff on, which is my FAVORITE WEBSITE EVER! *Note, some of these, I've bought as far back as a year ago and as recent as in I just got them in the mail today. ;-)

I am an avid follower of and I saw that she got this organic teething ring, only in the shape of a hippo, and I had to find one. I love hippos! And I thought it was a creative idea.

I found these car seat strap covers made from one of my favorite DwellStudio prints. So, naturally, had to have it. And it's reversible. 
Then, there is this other blanket. Girly, but I love zebra print with hot pink. Had to have it. 
Another AMAZING blanket, again, it's girly, but I die for the fabric. So retro!

Finally, a collection of Lemon Alexander Henry Fabrics: I have a blanket, a bib, and a burp cloth. I hate real lemons, but I love this fabric. Go figure!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Week 9

Overall, I haven't had any morning sickness, which is a shocker! Maybe my body is taking it easy on my esophagus, since it knows how fragile it is. The only thing that I seem to have issues with is taking my pills in the am. I gag constantly! Just the thought of taking them makes me want to gag. Horrible!
Other than that, no complaints.

I have my next Dr's appt. on November 2nd. Then my next ultrasound should be at 20 weeks. I think...

Hard to believe I still have to wait 10 weeks to find out the sex of the baby. Before, when I thought about it, I told myself that I would wait and let it be a surprise. But, now that it's actually happening, I can't wait. I want to know, and I want to plan, and buy stuff. I'm already going through the 'nesting' stage. I want the nursery set up right now, I want things to be organized and ready to go when May comes.
Since I am living with my parents, we're still trying to figure out where everyone is going to go. Right now, my room is in the basement. Which is fine, for me. Not for a newborn baby. It's musty, damp and cold. We're hoping that my brother will be placed into another group home, then freeing up my old bedroom, upstairs.

I also need to start documenting myself more. I'm not taking weekly pictures, or writing down a lot of things in my little journal. I'll totally regret that later on when I can't remember anything.
I'll start working on that...Hope to have some pictures posted soon.

Monday, October 5, 2009

And Baby makes 2

I'm officially announcing that I am expecting a baby in May!!!

Here is the first photo of my little 'gummy bear' (as the ultrasound tech called it). :-)

My due date is May 14th, 2010!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

SF Dreaming!

I just booked my ticket for San Francisco and I'm so excited!!

San Francisco is where my heart is. I love that damn city so much. One of my biggest regrets in life, is moving back to Nebraska from there. Not that I regret having a close relationship with my niece and nephew, because I wouldn't trade that for the world...but I do regret giving up so soon. I should have stuck it out and just gave it a shot. 

I'm planning on moving back, once I'm finished with school...IF I ever finish with school, that is. 

For now, I will visit as often as I can. Which leads me to May 9th-16th...Me, San Francisco, for a whole week. I can barely hold my shit together. ;-)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Just a quick note

I am so sick of people being negative!! 
Why do you have to rain on my parade??

Deep down, I think I've always known what I wanted to do with my life (career-wise) but I pushed it aside as 'Childish' and 'Foolish' because that's what every one told me.

I wanted to move to London after high school, my parents told me to stop dreaming.
(I don't want to live in a world where people are being told to stop dreaming)

Every one keeps telling me to get a degree and get a job that pays well. Just find a career and get to work!

I am done. I'm done trying to please every body else. I'm going to do what I want to do and focus on what makes me happy. 

That includes moving back out to San Francisco. I've already talked to some family out there, and I'm making a plan. 
I need to buckle down here at UNO and figure out what kind of degree I want. I'm working on a plan.

I'm going to be very selfish for a little while. Right now it's going to have to be all about me (for the most part). I need to get everything sorted out and start living my life.


Friday, January 30, 2009

Newest Addiction

So, some people wake up in the morning and crave coffee, waffles, a cigarette...
Me, I crave gas station cheeseburgers!

WTF, body?! I'm trying to diet here, and you are constantly telling me to drive to BP and buy a cheeseburger (at 10am)!

I always get the craving on the way home from school, and somehow I always give in because my friend Chaelly works there.

UGH! So annoying.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Happy 'We have a new (and 1000x better) President!!

I have been an emotional wreck today. Secretly of course...
While watching our 44th President take the oath of office, tears were pooling in my eyes. They were tears of joy, tears of hope, tears of pride.

I have never been so proud to be an American, as I am today.

For the first time, someone that I voted for has become the president.

I can't wait until the day someone asks me where I was on January 20th, 2009. I wish I could say that I was in Washington D.C. watching history unfold...instead, I was in Omaha, NE in the UNO's auditorium.

Make us proud B!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

My story

I have this idea in my head for a based entirely upon reality.
My problem lies in the simple fact, that I cannot recover some of those feelings had during that time of my life.

I keep hoping to run into him...Just so I can feel something again. Hate, lust, pity...anything.

I pulled out my box of 'past' and I feel so disconnected to it all. Which, in the long run, I'm happy about...but right now. I need something to get me started.

I need to hear his voice.
I need music.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Need to, Need to, Neet to!!!

Oh my goodness. I know I say this all the time, but seriously...
I need to go on a diet.
I need to loose weight.
I need to be healthier.
When I take photo's of myself, they're usually facial shots. I purposely avoid full body shots for the simple fact, I don't want to see myself.

I'm going to make a promise to myself. I'm going to take a full body picture every week (or so) just so I can track my progress.

I'm not going to count calories, I'm just not going to eat fast food, or fried food period. I'm going to stop drinking soda and eat more fruits and veggies. I'm also going to start walking more. Well, maybe once it starts warming up. (I could live without the -15 degree temps)

So, here is my Week 1 photo:

Monday, January 12, 2009

Help me!

Okay Internet, I need your help.

I found these AMAZING canisters at a local antique mall and I have a strong feeling that they were a part of a set of 5. How do I know this? Because on the bottom one is marked V and the other is IV.

But here they are...

I just simply adore these and I NEED to find the other two jars. I have searched all morning on Ebay, with no leads. There are NO markings on the bottom, except for the roman numerals and maybe a CALIF stamp.

If you have any suggestions or see anything like thise at all, please shoot me a message or email.


Oh, p.s. I also got these cool little dishes:

Monday, January 5, 2009

7 Things

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Travel the world and visit almost every country.
2. Read every classic work of fiction, twice. (this includes the Twilight series)
3. Drive cross country with no planning or agenda.
4. To speak spanish fluenty, and maybe learn another language, like French or Italian.
5. To live in another country for at least a year.
6. Have a family and love my life
7. Write a book.

7 Things I Cannot Do:
1. Flirt with a guy I am physically attracted to.
2. See something sad and not get emotional.
3. Bake.
4. Touch a snake.
5. Call people back when they call me.
6. Run for any length of time.
7. Tolerate people who don't support equal human rights.

7 Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:
1. Sense of humor/wit
2. Intelligence
3. Worldliness, experience.
4. Musicianship. Love me a guitar player, piano player, trumpet player...
5. Confidence
6. Ambition
7. Eye contact
(I borrowed this test from GGC @ and I have to totally agree with her answers on this one)

7 Things I Say Most Often:
1. I need gas.
2. Ugh!
3. I have a headache.
4. Holy S*$%
5. Mother F*$%er
6. Mmmmm Jimmy John's.
7. I don't want to go to school.

7 Celebrity Crushes:
1. Robert Pattinson. I don't care if he's 22, he's quite amazing.
2. Joaquin Phoenix. I will always love him, no matter what! Even if he's pulling a crazy Britney right now.
3. Diego Luna & Gael Garcia Bernal. They're a package deal, and so sexy.
4. Jason Bateman. The hottest celebrity dad on the face of the earth.
5. Matt Nathanson. LOVE HIM.
6. James McAvoy. Am I the only one who thought he was a hottie in Narnia?
7. Gabriel Macht. Holy Shit! That smile! Those eyes. I can't tell you how many times I watched Because I Said So.